sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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