I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
