Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
