I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
