Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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