my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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