The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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