we're blogging at a bar
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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