I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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