Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
