I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
