An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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