i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
