is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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