I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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