Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
