I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
