I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
