So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
