my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
