His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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