I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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