I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
