We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
