i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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