we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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