he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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