So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You ruined the universe
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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