bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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