If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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