u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
