Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
In America we eat man semen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize