Sponge bath it is.
I think I died a long time ago.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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