You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
