Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
