You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize