apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
