I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
