there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
