The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I love you.
Bad choice
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize