I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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