You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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