WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
