How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
