I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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