I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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