idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
