we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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