I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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