dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
