Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
