I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
