either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
