So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
