I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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