"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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