Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
