we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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