I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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