Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
