even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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