And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We smell like vodka and hangover
I did not marry a roomba.
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