Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
