so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
