Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
