Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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