sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
