I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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