I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
