He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
