I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
