ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
jump out the window naked night went bad
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