I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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