peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
