as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
please come you make the beer taste better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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