I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize