Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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