He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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