Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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