i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
