I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
