I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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