If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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