I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
