Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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