Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
