and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
