Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
