she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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