the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize