shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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