So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
