I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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