you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
