You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
