i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
