Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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