I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
