While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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