Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize