we're blogging at a bar
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
