pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
