shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We named our party play list daddy issues
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
