'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
