quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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